Bold. Brave. Queer.
By: Jai. Got. Soul
All Boys Aren’t Blue portrays many different narratives twisted into one body of work. From the opening act where Matthew’s aunt mistakenly announced that they were a girl to Matthew’s first sexual encounter where they were molested by a family member. We consistently tackle new and familiar taboo topics as it relates to queer identity. Such as transgender, and homosexual identities. Matthew inviting us into their personal life demonstrates a broad sacrifice that allows readers to further identify with the nuances of growing up black and queer in this country. Matthew’s memoir invites readers to understand the stories that shaped their life’s work. The Book discusses gender and gender identity, sexual assault, homophobia, racism, and anti-blackness. In this review, I share some scenes that I found the most relatable and that I deeply connected with as a black queer woman.
The Johnson family was a large and proud pro-black middle-class unit from Plainfield, New Jersey. When George Matthew Johnson was born, their aunt mistook their full head of hair to reveal the gender of a girl. Moments later, she returned to the waiting room to correct the gender mix up. Matthew wrote, “The “it’s a girl! No, it’s a boy!” mix-up is funny on paper but not quite so hilarious in real life especially when the star of that story struggles with their identity.”Matthew describes candidly how different they were in their early childhood compared to their male peers. Matthew gently implies that there could be some relevance to their gender mix-up at birth and their feminine energy. Yet, they challenge the validity of gender roles pushed by a heteronormative society.
Matthew felt compelled to prove their masculinity throughout various stages of their life. The safety concerns as it relates to being openly gay meant that Matt would have to suppress their natural desires. “By the time I reached middle school and high school, suppression was my only option. I had become even more of a minority in the population, and I had to deal with the intersection of Blackness and queerness--and the double oppression that generates--for the first time ever.” The close-knit relationships Matthew developed with their older cousins, Ral and Rasul taught them the ropes of navigating their masculinity. The sometimes “sassy” Matt would show up in a game of football to prove that they can run with the boys as well as double dutch with the girls. Matt seemingly used their skills in sports to offset the questioning of their sexuality. “Fighting for Blackness in a white space came naturally to me, though, and I did it every chance I got. Fighting for my queerness, however, never seemed to be a viable or safe option.” There is no safe space for a queer person to simply exist without the mind formulated fear of this heteronormative society. We are forced to shapeshift our existence for the comfort of everyone else except ourselves.
Chapter 9 Losing Hope, was a pivotal point in the book. Matthew had finally come to terms with their identity through the relationship of their older cousin Hope (formerly known as Jermaine). Hope was a transgender womxn who went through her transition but struggled with surviving a heteronormative world. Matthew writes about their instant connection with Hope. Matthew recalls her at the family gathering. “I remember I couldn’t stop staring at you all. I was a little boy at the time and dealing with my feelings of being different. I walked up on this table and saw a reflection of myself.” Matthew talks about their desire of wanting to be like Hope. Matthew had an older brother G.G. who was also queer but he was closeted and never discussed his sexuality. Losing Hope seemed to serve as a double entendre in this story. Matthew began to recognize that there was no hope of freedom as a queer black man. Then, Hope eventually passed away after losing her battle with AIDS. Hope was a reflection of Matthew’s desire to be free to express their queer identity.
In their work, Matthew presented to us a pacified version of the black family and its relationship to queerness. On a more regular basis, the black family and community have scapegoated the queer community in their efforts to rationalize the lack of equal access in this country. The black community tends to blame their frustrations relating to black progress on an agenda to feminize black patriarchy. This theory began when the institution of marriage was ruled by the supreme court in 2015 to include same-sex marriages. The black community fails to recognize that black queer men and women face multiple levels of dangers, suppression and discrimination despite one ruling in their favor to include marriage rights. Since this phenomenon, queer people find it difficult to simply exist without judgment or the irrational fear of our queerness rubbing off on the black family and their children.
In Chapter 11, Matthew was vulnerable but honest about their first sexual encounters. They address their abuser about the life-changing event. Matt was thirteen when they were molested by their cousin (Uncle Bobby’s son). As I imagined, this event was a traumatizing event. The scene gave a vivid account of the interaction between two boys exploring their sexuality. “Matt. You awake? This time I whispered back, “Yes.” You then asked me, “Do you feel that?” Yeah. But I laughed and said, Get your hand off my butt.” You giggled. That’s not my hand.” “You’re lying,” I said. You then placed both hands on my hips, as we lay side by side. There was still something poking me. You were fully erect at this point. I was nervous. “We’re gonna get in trouble.” “You can’t tell anybody, okay?” For Matt, the secrecy of sex became normal. “I wasn’t ready for sex, and my crash course introduction made me feel guilty rather than ready to try it with someone I didn’t know.” Matthew’s premature sexual experiences completely shut them down from the idea of wanting to have sex with anyone else until they were ready to take agency over their sexuality.
In the end, George M. Johnson’s young adult memoir set a standard for black queer young adults. In reading this book, I am challenged by this work to speak my truth. Johnson was inspired by Toni Morrison's famous quote, "If there's a book you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.” Therefore, after reading Mathew’s work, I expect to read and write many literary works that detail the inhumane experience of growing up black and queer in America.
